Hello dear reader and welcome. I'll come right to the point. I want to suss out if it's actually true that there are less female atheists than male ones in the US and more importantly if so, why is that so.
A few years ago at a Atheist dinner I went to through meetup.com (no, they are not sponsoring this post), a group of us diners, about 70% male got on the topic of dating. One guy in particular had found that, much to his disappointment, a exceptionally small amount of women label themselves atheist, that many more prefer to call themselves spiritual. Since I fully call myself an atheist and I'm single, for that evening, the men were VERY curious about me. Perhaps my hair was awesome, too.
Now bear with me readers, I'm going to offer you my cavewoman, gut response, devoid of any mathematical analysis as to why there might possibly be less female atheists than male atheists: for better or worse, I feel in my bones that being atheist is somehow not feminine and not being feminine is to be hated by society. Scream, yell, tell me to fuck off, but in this particular post I am concerned with emotional truth and it's my deep belief that unless all of us have the space to include subjective reality into the conversation then we won't understand what's going on here.
So there it is.
I welcome responses.
I agree with you there are less women because most woman are very into spirituality, if not full on demons at least auras and ghosts and energy. I agree it is very un feminin to be atheist I as an atheist I get a rough time from woman because of it.
ReplyDeleteAtheism is unfeminine and I want to understand more about that. I think part of the answer will come from talking with women who label themselves as "spiritual" and asking them what they think of atheism and what they word atheist means to them.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, my sense is that the term "atheist" brings with it connotations of aggression or confrontation, i.e. things more associated with men and things that men are either more comfortable with or feel more pressure to demonstrate. The flip side of the coin is that women are expected to seem softer and not aggressive, and therefore are more comfortable with the terms "spiritual" or "agnostic" due to their softer connotations. Perhaps those who carefully consider the meaning of, rather than connotations of, "atheist" are the ones who accept the label? (Of course the value of labeling ourselves and others is another big topic unto itself....)
ReplyDeleteI think the the problem is with the way that atheists in America are viewed. Sadly they are usually seen as promiscuous, drug using heathens, without a purpose in life, and/or very cold emotionally. I think a lot of women don't want to be thought of in this manner, or know that it can have a great negative affect on both their personal and professional lives. Instead they say they aren't "religious" but spiritual, in hopes that people will say, "Well, they don't go to church, but at least they believe in something and aren't a mass murderer."
ReplyDeleteGood discussion topic. I can say that I am definitely an atheist and I'm definitely a woman. I don't wear pink lacy stuff, per se, but I'm a mom with a young daughter and we do lots of girly things. In my area, I think the atheist label is perceived as negative. We're in the working class suburbs of St. Louis. Most social activities or groups are affiliated in some way with a church or religious organization. Even our Girl Scout troops (which we love, and I'm also a leader)have really close ties with churches. The friends I have that learned I'm an atheist began treating me differently once they knew. I didn't volunteer the information unless they asked "where do you go to church" or some such question. It's interesting, because prior to that, they assumed that I was a christian based on my behavior and attitude. I guess "being good" is only acceptable to them as long as it can be attributed to their beliefs. So, maybe this is why many women aren't forthright about it. Rejection can be hurtful, even when it's based on ignorance or bigotry.
ReplyDeleteThere is definitely something to the word, "atheist." It's perceived as ugly by many non-atheists. I would call myself a secular humanist but I feel that isn't honest enough. Calling myself an atheist usually gets to the heart of the matter and leads either to an interesting discussion or an interesting silence, both of which catch my attention. What's intriguing to me is that I consider myself a confrontational person but again, that word can mean many things to many people. I will speak right to the person I'm confronting but I'm not a yeller and I don't denigrate people. Treating people with dignity is forefront on my mind.
ReplyDeleteI wrote this responce of FB but I think it fits here too.
ReplyDeleteI've since discovered that at gatherings of atheists I seem to become the Devil's advocate (for lack of a better term). In a group of like minded atheists phrases like, "those fucking morons who believe in gods" or something like that are thrown about. I don't feel that way. I know brilliant people who believe in a deity and I know purist atheists who are emotionally retarded. I use that last word purposefully. They are slow emotionally. An emotionally smart atheist in my opinion can navigate that difficult place of remaining an atheist but doing one's best to understand why someone believes what they do. For example I once had a Hungarian roomate who went from being an atheist to a charismatic christian after her one child died at 15 when she fell on her head while hiking with her Mom. In the moment I am NOT going to lecture this woman about her beliefs. She was brillian scientist who was broken inside. She was looking for something that gave meaning to her pain.
I admit it-- filling out a survey recently I checked the "spiritual, but not religious" box rather than the atheist box. Your post is forcing me to consider why I did that. One thought is that as I have gotten older, I have tried to present a more compassionate, less judging face to the world. In that spirit, it makes more sense to define myself in terms of what I am than in terms of what I am not. Imagine going to a party and meeting new people. When they ask where you're from you say, well I'm not from New York! When they ask where you work you say, well I don't work for the Government! When they ask where you live, you say, well I don't live in Virginia! You've now alienated half the room. When I was younger I probably would have done that (different answers-- I am from New York and I do work for the Government). I was very interested in staking out my philosophical ground and challenging others to accept me in spite (or because) of it. Now I am more likely to look for common ground first. I sympathize with those who would rather call themselves freethinkers or humanists than atheists. It's not going to be hard for anyone to break the code, but the message is tempered by the ideas that there are things worth thinking about and believing in, even if they are not supernatural.
ReplyDeleteRegarding presenting a "more compassionate, less judging face to the world." I think that this IS Atheism! It's just that for so many folks atheism equals nihilistic and amoral behavior. I feel MORE compassionate and open minded since openly calling myself an atheist.
ReplyDeleteYour example of answering questions in the negative, "well, I'm not from New York. I don't work for the government" is hilarious! We should all talk like that for a day. But in all seriousness, I think labeling oneself an atheist, until a new word with equal power comes along, is what we have to use. Belief in a deity is so pervasive that in this current age it's a huge statement to use the word atheism. It's atheists responsibility to change it's image.
Interesting questions. I wonder if there is some truth to the general impression of atheists. Would be interesting to look at a study that examined personality traits vs spiritual beliefs (or not).
ReplyDelete